Sept. 15

September 15, 2011 at 3:40 am (Uncategorized)

Hey everyone,

well this is my first blog post done with a bit of a buzz going on. Sometimes I forget what great roommates I have, and then they take time out of their week to hang out with me until 3 in the morning on a Wednesday just because it’s the day I happen to have off. So we watched a movie (The Story of my Success with Michael J. Fox…actually quite good) and had a few drinks and they all just went to bed, because that definitely was needed from them. I’m still awake, partially because of the red bull I had with my my tequila and partially because I don’t usually sleep until 7:30 or 8am most mornings anyway. But I appreciate those guys (and Bethany) for being my friends. It’s easy to sometimes forget about everyone and the rest of the world because I’m usually so isolated, but knowing that there are people that care about you…you can’t beat that.

We started the probationary process for 10 new members of Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia tonight…excited for those guys, and a little bit sad that I won’t be around as much to see their development and how they exemplify everything we stand for. I mean, I’m sure they are wonderful individuals, but with the way I work at the moment I only am usually able to attend choir on Wednesdays. It isn’t the end of the world, but it is less than ideal. I think the nice thing about being in a group like Sinfonia is just being able to have a group of guys you can count on…it’s a kind of support structure you rarely find other places. It’s also nice knowing you have a group of people that share the same ideals as you. I think the world can be uplifted through music, and knowing that there are other people who feel the same as you and who are committed to it is really cool. This isn’t to say there aren’t plenty of people who aren’t committed to that all around me; I definitely have seen that kind of belief from people all throughout this University and beyond. But it’s one thing to see that people believe in it and it’s another entirely to see them commit to this organization and vocalize that fact with you. Plus it’s just a good tool for building men and musicians. I know I’ve learned so much from my time with Phi Mu Alpha.

I oftentimes wish I were more musically inclined, and sometimes I wish I had tried to do something with music instead of political science. It’s not that I regret my degree at all; I don’t. It’s just that I think that music inspires me so much I wish that I could inspire others to the same degree through song. If I were a little better at singing, or were able to read music, or play an instrument, perhaps I would feel differently. I think it might just be enough to know that occasionally I can sing well enough to bring people some joy in this world. If I can brighten someone’s day, even if it is only sometimes, I think I can feel that I’ve done something good for this world.

At the end of the day, that’s all I want. If I can make other people’s lives a little bit better for have having known me, I can die a happy man. Sometimes I talk with my parents, and they raise valid points about needing to be able to support myself and whatever family I eventually have. They are completely correct. But it’s not about the money, and it never will be. I won’t ever find happiness if I’m constantly worried about moving up the ladder. I need to be the best person I can be, just being Jordan, and that will be enough. The success…well that will either happen or it won’t, and I believe in myself to think that I am talented and capable enough to be successful in whatever occupation I choose. I just think that my main motivator will be my wife, my children, and my ability to help and love everyone I meet. It can be difficult to think that way at first, because sometimes we have to sacrifice our own “happiness” for the sake of others. For me, though, being happy stems from making other people joyful. That’s why I want to to Teach For America so badly. I really want to help these people who may not have had teachers in the past who have had the passion to help them succeed on their own. I want to contribute to the betterment of society. I want to spread my passion and love as far and wide as I can…as much as I can. I’m not perfect, and I never will be. Sometimes I wish I could make everyone understand that I care for them incredibly deeply. I wish people would seek me out as a friend, and someone to talk to, as much as I know I seek them out. There are so many people I’ve met in high school and college who I respect immensely but for whatever reason I never got to know as well as I would like. Perhaps I will someday be able to make up for that a little bit.

For now, it’s enough to know that I have been blessed by all the people that have touched my life, and that I can go on knowing that everyone I have met has taught me something, and that I am a better person for it. Everyone that reads this, I appreciate you, and the contribution you have made to my life. I wish we could get coffee and sit down and talk about the things you feel are important, and you could deepen my understanding of life and existence. I know that isn’t always realistic, but it’s how I feel.

I apologize for the somewhat rambling state of tonight’s post, but I was from my (albeit someone intoxicated) heart. Love and peace to all of you, and I hope that if you ever find yourself needing to talk to someone, anyone, you won’t hesitate to seek me out. I’m always willing to listen.

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