Goodbye, Sunrise

October 13, 2011 at 3:59 am (Uncategorized)

Dear Sunrise,

Please don’t take this too personally. You know that our affair together has been pleasant, with moments of real affection and mutual understanding. You and I both know, though, that this isn’t the right place for me. I’m out of my element. You were busy lighting up the rest of the world, and frankly, we didn’t get to spend as much time together as I might like. Here in the dark, it just wasn’t working. I was a little worried when I first got here that there would be nothing to the job, but you and I quickly connected in a way I didn’t expect.  Those quiet pale dawns that rose up over downtown from the east during the month of September were the highlight of my time here, and I’ll think on them fondly. However, I need to move on to bigger and better things.

Don’t worry, I’ll come back and visit you from time to time. No, it won’t be the same…I doubt we’ll run into each other expecting it. A chance encounter here and there; awkward glances. In all honesty, I’ll probably end up spending more time with sunset. It hurts to hear, but I know you would want me to be happy. I wish you the best, and don’t worry. You’ll find someone who can appreciate you one day. In the meantime, keep in mind this is a college town. You’ll find plenty of one night stands among the students who’ve been up, especially right now at midterms. Just enjoy this final morning with me, and we’ll worry about the future after that.

Stay in touch, and know that I am appreciative.

Much love,



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October 13, 2011 at 2:19 am (Uncategorized)

So, it’s my last night at the hotel, and I can’t express how I feel about it without using song (mostly musical theatre).

One night more…this is the last night of my working here, from now I’ll sleep sound instead of sighing clear…

Tonight, tonight, won’t be just any night, I don’t have to work here ever again….

It’s the FINAL COUNTDOWN (Synthesizer….)

I could go on, but I won’t. In any case, quite excited. First day at Ross was pretty great. Not exactly rocket science, but I’m up on my feet and moving around and doing things. So here’s to that. Not exactly looking forward to working tomorrow at 10:30 on like 2 hours of sleep, but this is the last time that’s going to have to happen.




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Tuesday Night

October 12, 2011 at 4:14 am (Uncategorized)

I guess if you don’t like melons you would think of honeydews as more like honeydonts.

Tomorrow (Today, really. In slightly less than six hours) I start my first actual shift at Ross. Orientation on Monday was easy enough. 2 1/2 hours of movies that moved far faster than I wanted them to explaining the myriad of details that accompany working at Ross. I was thinking to myself, “I have a college degree and consider myself to be a fairly bright individual, why is this overwhelming?” Then I took a deep breath and a step back and realized that my job essentially entailed taking things out of boxes, labeling them, and putting them other places. Now where to put them and how to label them are things I’ll have to figure out certainly, but let’s be honest. It’s not going to require a lot of brainpower. I think part of my apprehension about my new job is that I was just starting to get comfortable at the hotel…the noises it makes at night, laughing about the crazy customers with my coworkers as we exchanged shifts, and where everything is and how things need to be done. It’s like anything. You are unfamiliar at first, then you become aware of what needs doing, and then it becomes second nature; a familiar jacket you can slip on and off. Since this metaphorical jacket has an awfully large number of holes in it, it was time to get a new one. But it’s sometimes hard to let go of the familiar, even when it isn’t good for you. Adding to the issue is that I’m not exactly excited to work at Ross. Working during the daytime? Yes. Love me some of that. However, it’s not as if I got a job that seems like it will cater to what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. *Shrug*

I’m probably really over-analyzing this, but that’s one of the issues that arises with too much time to sit and think and not have the freedom to really do what you want. I mean, I can wander around the property, but for the most part I’m trapped behind this desk. Things have a way of working out, so I’m not too worried. Anxiety isn’t really my style anyway. I will miss the fact that this job was pretty lax. Ross is a company with a big corporate structure and so there are all kinds of specific, occasionally asinine things you have to do with that. Working for a pair of hotels owned by one family is a different feel. Gotta get used to that new jacket. I’m sure I will.

On to bigger and better things (with this blog post).

So, I’ve been seeing quite the reaction on facebook and elsewhere to recent comments made about Mormonism, Christianity, and whether they’re like squares and rectangles or apples and oranges. By that, I mean whether or not the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a subset of the umbrella of Christianity or whether it is a different religion altogether (I refuse to demean the church by calling it a cult…certainly there are aspects of the religion I don’t agree with, but it doesn’t exhibit cultish behavior). I personally am of the opinion that it falls under the umbrella of Christianity–I mean, if you’re all about Jesus that’s kind of where we’re at unless you want to give me an alternate definition of the faith. Would I argue that there are aspects of the church the lie fairly far outside what one might consider “mainstream christianity?” Certainly, but it’s comical to me that evangelicals and mormons don’t get along particularly well. They have a lot in common…and unfortunately much of what they have in common are traits I would consider to be negative. From their dismissal of homosexuality and their desire for a generally more conservative, homogeneous society I feel that both groups trend in the direction away from anything Jesus preached. However, I do applaud the CoJCoLDS for their commitment to helping those less fortunate. In fact, I feel that for both the LDS and Catholic faith there is great opportunity to affect large scale social change for the better–helping the poor and the homeless, and preaching a gospel of love and acceptance. If we could get them all to start practicing it I think one might see a much different and brighter America. If they continue to use their faiths to institutionalize prejudices, then we have some problems.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I think that one day people of faith will start putting more stock into the here and now and living a christ-like life, and will support social programs and the poor and my quasi-socialist utopian ideals will come to fruition. Maybe in the meantime we can all start being kinder to one another, and realize that bigotry against a particular faith is just as wrong as bigotry on the basis of race or sexual orientation. I love my friends because of their diversity.

Speaking of helping the poor, how about this whole Occupy Wall Street thing? On the surface, it’s the kind of thing I would support wholeheartedly. On most levels I do agree with the sentiment. Corporations are NOT in fact people (surprise!) and there is a lot of greed and economic inequality in this country that needs to be addressed. However, I’m not sure how the occupy wall street movement is going to change things with demonstrations and protests. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a start. I’m glad that people are getting fired up and passionate about these issues that have hamstrung America over the past decade. But if you want to make a real change, you’re going to have to vote for leaders who will stand up to corporations and who will vote for reform. In the end, all this talk of revolution instead of reform is bunk. You need reform, because you CAN work within the system if you go about it the right way. America is not irrevocably broken. It’s broken, but not shattered. It’s like a toy that needs new batteries. Put in new batteries, and we’re going to be fine. If this leads to the 2012 election being a referendum on changing the culture of greed and economic gangsterism, then I’ll be pleased. If this is a bunch of whining without people willing to get their asses to the ballot box, then you can’t hold anyone responsible for THAT particular mess except yourself.

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October 11, 2011 at 4:04 am (Uncategorized)

I won’t miss this job. I may miss standing under an awning at 4am, watching the rain pour down as a silent world sleeps.

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Counting Down

October 11, 2011 at 2:07 am (Uncategorized)

And I was doing so well!

Falling of the blogging wagon, shameful. But back at it again, for a night at least.

A lot has happened since the last time I really wrote in here. For one, this is the last Monday night at work for me. In fact, Wednesday night is my last evening at the Idaho Inn. The nights were getting to me, and I was offered a job at Ross. It’s not as many hours for the same low pay, but the fact that I’m going to be working during the daytime means I’ll be able to salvage a piece of my sanity. That more than makes up for it in my mind. The only unfortunate thing about all this is that right now I’m working two jobs. That wouldn’t be awful except that I’m working nights here and then having to get up in the morning and go to Ross. There will only be three more days of that this week (I don’t work tomorrow there) but holy cow. My body is not happy with me right now. Starting next week it should all start to normalize, though.

Speaking of next week, on Oct. 19th I have my interview for Teach for America. It’s at Gonzaga in Spokane, which is fortunate since I definitely did not want to have to drive all the way to Portland or Seattle for just one day. A little nervous about it all, but also pretty excited. I’m hoping it goes well. If it doesn’t I’m going to have a hectic couple months getting ready for/applying to grad schools. Just going to take it one day at a time and see where it all goes.


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A thought at 4am

October 6, 2011 at 4:13 am (Uncategorized)

I’m not really sure it’s possible to be both a committed Republican in the conventional sense and someone who follows the precepts of Christianity. It’s not easy if you’re a Democrat, but might work. Hmm.

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Catching a cab

October 2, 2011 at 12:38 am (Uncategorized)

Listening to melancholy music (at this particular moment Death Cab for Cutie) always seems to make me nostalgic. Which is probably more or less normal, except I don’t feel nostalgic about anything in particular. I just have a vague sense of missing something that once was there but isn’t any longer. In my darker moments I wonder if I’m nostalgic for the youth I seem to be missing out on as we speak. It’s a Saturday night and here I am, alone in a hotel lobby again while everyone I know is making bold decisions and memories that they’ll look back on when they’re actually at an age where feeling nostalgia is allowed. I’m not upset or depressed, I’m just melancholy, like the music. It’s not a bad mood, and I don’t feel unpleasant. I’m hovering somewhere around the sadder side of neutral. It does feel a bit like my life is sitting in neutral, idling. I am waiting for the rest of my life to get here, even though I don’t know that I want it to get here quite yet. The car (to milk this metaphor) that is my life has frost on the windows, and having it sit here warming up is an excellent plan. I like to be able to see out the windows when I drive. However, I could be going back inside while the car warms up and doing something enjoyable, but instead I’m sitting in the car that looks an awful lot like a cheap hotel lobby.

Writing about myself is all well and good, but starting next post, I’m going to start writing about things. I know, you’re excited already.

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Friday Friday Friday

October 1, 2011 at 4:17 am (Uncategorized)

Everyone’s weekend is just starting, and mine is now ended. I didn’t end up getting that job I interviewed for; they decided to go with someone who had more law experience. That’s the story of most of the jobs I’ve been trying to get that actually have the potential to be something decent…”we like you, but we’re just looking for someone more experienced.” I don’t blame them necessarily, it’s just a frustrating side effect of being young. At least I have a job, and although I doubt I can work nights for the long haul I’ll at least be able to make some money. I have kind of set November 15th as my “I have to quit for mental health reasons” date. Finding another job before then would be ideal, but I’m not about to hold my breath. By that point I’ll have enough saved up to where I can look for 2 or 3 months without having to panic anyway. In a perfect world if I’m spending all my waking hours looking for a job one will turn itself up long before it comes to that.

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