February 27th

February 27, 2013 at 10:08 pm (Uncategorized)

So I have a very long and convoluted blog post in my head that I’ve been kicking around the last couple of days. I was thinking about writing it tonight, but then something happened to me and I’m also just far too tired. So perhaps that will be tomorrow’s project.

Anyway, tonight. I was driving home after choir and stopped at the Camas Safeway to get some gas in my car. It’s about 9:15, and the place is deserted except for a guy with a beat up ancient red truck that looked like an insane redneck Santa in overalls. He leaves. I finish putting the gas in my car and am about to get in when a man approaches me. He explains that he’s stuck here and needs a little bit of gas money for the person who is picking him up.

At this point I have a few options. A) I can give him some gas money–which will be $20, because ‘ol hickory is the only thing in my wallet. B) I can tell him I sympathize but don’t have any money. C) I can tell him to get lost.

Now, I don’t have a lot of money at the moment. I budgeted a fair amount of my future expenses towards going up to Moscow this past weekend. Totally worth it, but I just have to be extremely frugal for a while. That $20 in my wallet is from my mother who wants me to be able to buy coffee occasionally and will not accept my refusal (or protestations that I get a lot of free stuff already living at home). So on the one hand it’s $20 I would not have had. On the other hand I am in some respects violating the intended use of what in my mind is my mother’s money.

In the end, I didn’t have to really think about it. I gave the guy the money and told him to pay it forward sometime. It could have been a scam, but I prefer to live in a world where I don’t automatically assume that people are trying to pull one over on me. I also like to think in that situation maybe someone would have shown some kindness to me as well. I am a firm believer that putting goodness out into the universe begets more goodness. When I think about the kind of person that I want to be, it’s someone who is generous with their love, time, money, and whatever else they can spare.

Existence is a series of simultaneous events that beget more events. If I can take negativity in my life and then make sure it stops there, then the chain of harm ends. If I can start new chains of positivity, they will continue to spread out into the universe. A mustard seed is very small, but it can grow into a big tree and shade a lot of people in the desert.


  1. pingviini42 said,

    Brilliant. It’s not always easy to be the person you want to be, but when you have the courage to believe you can be, you already are. Keep it up, brother πŸ™‚

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