Weekends, Weddings, and Wondering pt 1

July 31, 2013 at 9:29 pm (Uncategorized)

Over the past several days I’ve spent 16+ hours alone in the car, which has given me a lot of time to think. There comes a point several hours into a drive where my voice begins to dislike me belting in alto, and I have to become a bit more introspective. It can be very zen-like. In any case, this is my weekend brain dump and we’re breaking it into sections.

1. The Wedding

Danny and Bethany got married on top of a mountain, and it was awesome. It’s a special feeling when people that you know are so wonderful do something wonderful together. In some ways it was a formality, because they were essentially married in my mind already, but mostly it was just awesome to celebrate two people who give so much of themselves to others. They deserve lots of days where the world lets them know how great they are, but that one was a good start. We also drank a whole bunch of beers, I learned how to snapchat, and I got one last hurrah in before many of us scatter to the winds. For now anyway.

This year has not been kind to me in the whole “believing in love” thing: I am still the same optimist I have always been, but seeing my parents fall apart and having my own stuff go away has been rough at times. Danny and Bethany kind of make me feel like maybe it’s not so far away after all. I’m not going to put a timetable on it, but feeling like it’s out there is better than despair. 

That last sentence might make a good song lyric. Speaking of which, be on the lookout for Stu and I (Formerly Size 10 Stu, currently looking for a new more original name) to blow the lid off the music scene.

 

2. Running

I have run the last two days, so if we count Monday’s 2 hours of volleyball that’s 3 days straight of working out. I am pretty happy with myself at the moment, but it’s nothing without the follow through. I am getting a little faster, and I have found that I have a challenging-enough-for-the-moment 2.8 mile loop that I can get a good workout doing without just killing myself.

I have a running specific playlist I use, and I always put it on shuffle so that I don’t know what’s coming. I play these little head games with myself, like never slowing down during Get Lucky, or imagining myself blocking a ball at the net during No Church in the Wild–whatever it takes to keep me motivated. There are about 30 or 35 songs on the playlist and during the course of a run I’ll only hear 7-9 of them, so it keeps it fresh. Today, though, Birthday Sex by Jeremih and I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island played back to back, and it was as if the universe was telling me “You’ll never have sex again being such a fat fat fatty” and I did a pretty good job of speeding up and running for a while. Whatever it takes, I suppose. 

It is kind of fun putting the songs on shuffle, though, because it’s as if every time I run there’s a different narrative. My mind works overtime when I’m running, and I prefer it that way, because I am a) really bad at getting into a “zone” just running and b) If I’m thinking about life or politics or the music I’m not focusing on how much I despise the act of running for no reason. 

I’ve let myself get pretty out of shape since high school, and now I’m paying for it. I think that I am in a better place (motivation-wise) than I have been for a long time, and I have these ridiculous neon green running shoes that help me run. They’re legit running shoes my mom bought me as a gift from Fit Right Northwest, and when I look at them I feel better about working out. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s silly, but I’ll take it. I also feel an obligation to run because they’re nice shoes and my mom got them for me. I’m at a point in life where I live at home for the time being and I am trying to figure out how to balance me being an adult with my mother wanting to be my mother. It’s a process.

3. QOTD

QOTD stands for Question of the Day, and it is something we used to do in my senior english class in high school. I hadn’t thought about it in years, but on the drive to the Tri-Cities last Thursday there was a lot of construction and I remembered a question we had that was “If you were a road sign, what would you be?” I thought, and I thought, and I couldn’t come up with anything. I was kind of OK with that, because I lost the roadmap a while ago on this metaphorical road. I also was reminded of Casey McEnry saying that he would be “Slippery when wet,” which was a fantastic answer if I can remember it over 5 years later.

Where I’m going, we don’t need roads.

 

“The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.” –Erich Fromm 

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