February 22, 2014 at 10:32 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

This will be my last cup of tea for the evening, I think to myself as I turn off the stove. I keep it on low after the tea is ready – the heat starts to fade after an hour or two, and I like to drink tea throughout the day. 

I am in that pre-sickness stage, where you can feel whatever virus you have begin to creep its way through you. I guess it’s somewhat a relief that I’ve contracted this over the weekend. I don’t want to miss work, and this gives me a chance to be lazy and nap most of the day. I got a 5 mile run in, which was the one major box that needed to be checked off. I had plans to go potentially spend time in Camas for my mom’s belated birthday, but we’re doing that tomorrow morning now, which is somewhat of a relief. I think about how much I will enjoy getting a full night’s sleep. I also think about the fact that I have to run another 5 miles tomorrow, one I am less excited about. When you’re a little under the weather it’s like you are dragging an anchor along with you (although my run today was actually at a fairly fast pace as far as my normal runs go), and I get congested. That’s really the worst part – the inability to breath properly. When I’m really struggling with a run I focus on the breath and I tend to loosen up. When your nose is clogged it’s a little harder.

I run anyway, though. I am surprised how much I enjoy it. I think what I enjoy more than running is a renewed sense of ownership of my body. I’ve also been doing yoga 4-5 nights a week and that is also helping. I’m 23 years old and supposed to be in the best shape of my life. I am not, but with time and diligence I’m heading in that direction. I used to not think much about how to ground myself. Then I became more aware of my mind, my thought process, how my perceptions and prejudices were clouding my ability to see the world clearly, and I began to focus on grounding myself that way. I am coming to realize that the body is the other half – I can have the greatest mind in the world but it’s useless without a commitment to the physical form as well. I’m not looking to be a bodybuilder, or any kind of real athlete. I just want to look at myself in the mirror and feel good about what I see – that my outer self can be a reflection of the inner light I want to have inside of me. 

I am easily distracted. My mind likes to wander. I am writing this, reading an essay by David Foster Wallace about linguistics and language called “Tense Present” that is quite good, sometimes listening to music, browsing videos on youtube, and occasionally zoning out and staring at the wall. I wonder sometimes what technology is doing to my brain, whether it’s good, bad, or neutral. Different than before doesn’t scare me like it does with some people, but I try to be intentional and reflect on whether or not my habits will cause me or society harm. I also wonder if I have a mild form of ADD – my brother is on medication for it, and I certainly struggle at focusing on ONE thing for long periods of time. At the same time, perhaps we aren’t built for lengthy periods of laser focus. Perhaps it’s the technology seeping into my brain. I also know that I can focus more or less if I HAVE to, and so the inability to do it consistently is less of an issue when one can focus when necessary. 


This is quite lovely: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM


“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” -Mark Twain


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